The wonderful world of Rik ‘Ranting’ Harris

i’m writing on ma new nokia n95

As the subject line suggests - I would like to wish you all a merry christmas. Ya Bastards!

Winds me up no end… Shows like X Factor, where they break the hearts of out of tune teenagers across the UK every year. This year however there seems to be more of a ‘Tears make viewers’ philosophy. Dermot interviews the contenstant thats just been voted out (After first showing their mum and dad, Nan thats on a death bed and then a message from beyond the grave - yeh.. im doing this for my dead dad..) and asks..

“Ok you’ve been voted out, your dreams are in tatters, your a loser… how you feeling? ..”

How the fcuk do you think im feeling you pathetic excuse for a TV presenter? Oh right, im expected to lie and say how happy i am to have LOST to another contenstant, and WHAT? - you want me to wish them luck too?!
And lastly.. on the VT’s where they say ‘The Xfactor has changed my life.. i cant imagine going back to my normal sad, pathetic life where i work at Tescos. I want to win…’

Well what a kick in the b0llcoks to all of us ‘normal’ people who have no choice but to work for the likes of Tescos so we can pay our bills. I hope you do lose so i can laugh at you next time im doing MY shopping.

So, I have just completed my first month at the new job and its been going ok. I was given a Transit T350 115 High top to start with which was huge.

So huge in fact that i decided to name it ‘Goliath’. I was given East London as an area and got on with it.

Meanwhile one of the other guys who was in charge of the Lloyds contract was off sick and i jumped in to help out, covering some addresses in London.

It turns out that i impressed a few people whilst covering this guys work, so much so that my office recieved 3 seperate emails begging that it be me that becomes their ‘regular’ guy. One week later and not only am I now solely responsible for the lighting in 4 of Lloyds buildings in london, i have a smaller van, a transit connect too! - Its win win, right?

well.. kinda.. until you look at the mess of the van when i got it. (Click on image to make it all big like..)

  

    
 

 

How the hell did the guy ever find anything in there? - Makes you wonder what his house looks like lol. Anyway, its all nice, clean, sorted and organised now thanks to me and 8hours of hard work!

 

 

I’m slacking with the blog posts and i would like to apologise for that fact. So much has been happening in the last few weeks that i just havent had time to sit still. Below is a list of stuff i will be blogging about in the coming week.

• New job, been kinda sideways promoted after just 4 weeks!
• Me and Janet’s trip to see Macbeth with Patrick Stuart as the lead !
• Parkersell’s christmas do @ the quality hotel in Welwyn (pictures)
• sister AND janet’s visit to the o2 arena to see take that (pictures)
• Lauras xmas party where she tripped over Gandi and saw Hitler lose a leg
• general observations and moans about every day life

See you all soon

I bought a teddy bear last night for £10. I named it Muhammad. I then sold it for £20. Do you think i made a Prophet ?

I really dont get this crap. How can naming something be classed as offensive? - what about all the parents that have called their children Muhammad? Im sure somewhere there is a rottweiler with the same name. Its kids and its a NAME. What ever happened to that sticks and stones may break my bones line we were taught as kids. Mummy mummy, that boys calling me fat.. ‘just ignore him hunny…’ - indeed.

ABDOL : Mummy mummy, some teacher has allowed her kids to name a teddy bear Muhammad.

Mrs ABDOLS mum : Just ignore them hunny..

Gets me soo annoyed, we bend over backwards (and over again) to accommodate multi cultures in the UK, and we change OUR way of life so we dont upset anyone. Imagine the situation the other way round?

Little Johnny Smith : Mummy a kid in school is jewish and we arnt allowed pork for school dinners anymore.

Little Johnny Smiths Mum : RIGHT!!, pass me my death threat banner making kit, call 10,000 of my closest friends and we are gonna demand that kid be hung!

If this Prophet is as much of a dude as they all say he is, why would he be upset that a childs stuffed teddy is named after him?