Being a scallywag in a previous life i love watching all the latest ‘fly on the wall’ documentaries like Road Wars, Interceptors and police camera action – I enjoy seeing the old bill with their latest gadgets and high powered pursuit vehicles and I also like seeing Mr Chav get his just deserts as he corners on the wrong side of the road and runs out of talent – imbedding the stolen chariot into what ever solid object that was unlucky enough to be in its path.
I have been finding myself less impressed with ITV4’s police camera action lately.. and ive come to the conclusion its that twat Alistair Stewart with his dramatic, patronising tone – whilst sitting in some rally car, in full rally gear (including his ugly mug squashed into a crash helmet..) telling us all what idiots we all are for taking our hands of the wheel for a second as we scratch our knees.
‘People who let go of the wheel whilst driving are all rapists and murderers, its precisely these people who will be responsible for killing you and your family whilst you enjoy a leisurely drive in the country side on a sunny, Sunday afternoon……’
I think the poor bloke is a little confused. – the latest episode sees his new co-presenter, (cant remember his name, and cant be bothered to look it up as he is as interesting as Jehovah witness at a Christmas party) showing us how dicking around with a sat nav device is ‘distracting’ whilst driving, and all that are caught doing this should be taken from their cars and have their family shot in front of them.
Of course programming a satnav whilst driving is distracting, which is why 99% of the people with them set them before they set off, its vary rare people don’t know their destination until half way through the journey, therefore why base a whole program on this ridiculously obvious danger?
Im sure there have been more accidents on our roads caused by sneezing. I happen to know that if your traveling at 90kph (about 60mph) and you sneeze, you cover 12.5 metres with your eyes closed. – do we have police at the side of the road pulling people up for not taking hay fever remedies before setting out on a summer drive?!.
‘Im sorry sir, unless you can show me your beconase bottle I will have to issue a fixed penalty of ‘potentially failing to be in control of a motor vehicle..’
Im wondering now if we should only wear Velcro shoes whilst driving, the possibility of certain death looms as ones untied shoelace dangles between the brake and clutch, getting wrapped round the peddle rendering it useless. 3 points for shoelace fastened footware?
Apparently MP3 players in cars are also the work of the devil, if you have access to more than 20 songs in your car, you are a gazillion times more likely to kill an entire town whilst mincing around the M25. Do these people not know anything?! – if you have cds you can have around 12 tracks, if there’s nothing on there you like, you duck down, lean across and rummage around in the glove box, looking at the cds, find the one you want, remove it from the box, eject the old disc from the head unit, rummage around again for its little box, then place the new cd in, whilst doing 70mph. With an Mp3 player its one button, next track. Easy.
One more moan? Oh go on then… In 2003 Alistair was arrested for being three times over the limit when he crashed his Mercedes into a telegraph pole on the way home from a Chinese takeaway. It was his SECOND drink-drive conviction.
And lastly before I climb down off my soap box, do the police have any special training in operating their police radio whilst driving? – im talking about the normal bobbies in their astra diesels, I happen to know they have no additional driving training other than the good old license they brought to the force. My question is this, what gives a police officer that’s been driving for 5 years operating his radio whilst driving the right to question how much control I have over my vehicle having been driving for 10 years, whilst I press ‘next track’ on my mp3 player?
The defence rests….
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