The wonderful world of Rik ‘Ranting’ Harris

^{London tonight - Catching the card fraudsters - Aired 20.00, 27th October 2008 on ITV1}

Morland Sanders investigates the credit card fraudsters, and straight away you learn that he isnt no Roger cook, rather a limp wristed, hairspray coated wannabe. On reflection he would have been better suited to some sing-along childrens program - i wonder if CITV are hiring?

Back to the plot. It seems that in 2007 plastic card fraud alone cost £535m, an increase of more than £100m over 2006 (figures published by APACS, the UK Payment Industry) and, apart from sending spongebob square head to give him a damn good talking to, what are we doing to help combat ‘card not present’ fraud?

Ive compiled a list..

• The government has allocated £29 million to be spent through 2010 putting into place the recommendations made in a cross-government fraud review conducted by the attorney general.
• A new fraud strategic authority will lead the battle to fight fraud in the UK, and a new fraud reporting centre will improve police intelligence about fraudsters targeting this country.
• A national lead force for fraud will enhance police work on fraud cases.
• The Home Office and the Corporation of London are each contributing additional resources towards the cost of an expanded City of London Police fraud squad and are both contributing just over £1.12m in 2007/08. This money helps the City of London Police expand its fraud squad so that it can better take on organised crime, and take a leading role in the investigation of fraud in London and the south east.
• Setting up a Dedicated cheque and plastic crime unit (DCPCU) This specialist police unit that we helped establish, aims to reduce organised card and cheque fraud using intelligence provided by the card industry, which funds it.

Thats great, and i know im no fraud expert, but im willing to offer my advice free of charge. How about..

• ONLY SHIPPING TO THE CARDHOLDERS ADDRESS??! - making this one change would stamp out 95% of all card not present fraud, sure it would be a little inconvenient for some, but a small price to pay.
• Texting the registered card holder the transaction so they have to reply to authorise it
• replacing chip and pin with thumb print readers - having the print stored on a central server rather than the card.
• embedding the card holders photo onto the credit card.

I know that the last two points would be expensive to roll out, but with the fraud costing £500 million a year and rising, im sure they wouldn’t have to wait long for the return on investment.

There seems to be a trend in the UK of putting all our resources into ‘catching the crooks’, instead of preventing the crime in the first place. - Its the CCTV, Speed camera mentality… clearly we are not bothered about the crime actually happening, but reactively catching the crooks (or not) after the event. SURELY its better to take away the ability to commit the crime in the first place?!

Just seems common sense to me..

I can only just deal with Xfactor at the best of times but its just too much lately. Its the interviews or rather the ‘fillers’ where the contestants explain how much they ‘want it’.

‘This is the most important thing in my life..’

‘It means the world to me..’

‘All i want to do is sing, thats all ive ever wanted to do..’

‘im gonna win this for my dead aunt/nan/dad/mum/sister….’

times the above quotes by 700 per episode, chuck in some painfully long pauses while the mentor dicks with their emotions in front of the camera and you’ve pretty much got Xfactor.

oh there is some singing occasionally too.

Being a scallywag in a previous life i love watching all the latest ‘fly on the wall’ documentaries like Road Wars, Interceptors and police camera action – I enjoy seeing the old bill with their latest gadgets and high powered pursuit vehicles and I also like seeing Mr Chav get his just deserts as he corners on the wrong side of the road and runs out of talent – imbedding the stolen chariot into what ever solid object that was unlucky enough to be in its path.

I have been finding myself less impressed with ITV4’s police camera action lately.. and ive come to the conclusion its that twat Alistair Stewart with his dramatic, patronising tone – whilst sitting in some rally car, in full rally gear (including his ugly mug squashed into a crash helmet..) telling us all what idiots we all are for taking our hands of the wheel for a second as we scratch our knees.

‘People who let go of the wheel whilst driving are all rapists and murderers, its precisely these people who will be responsible for killing you and your family whilst you enjoy a leisurely drive in the country side on a sunny, Sunday afternoon……’

I think the poor bloke is a little confused. – the latest episode sees his new co-presenter, (cant remember his name, and cant be bothered to look it up as he is as interesting as Jehovah witness at a Christmas party) showing us how dicking around with a sat nav device is ‘distracting’ whilst driving, and all that are caught doing this should be taken from their cars and have their family shot in front of them.

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_{Shown on Channel 4 Monday 7 July 9pm}

Gill Hicks, 37, was the last person to be brought out alive from the Piccadilly Line train travelling between King’s Cross and Russell Square, where 26 people died. She survived despite her heart stopping twice on the way to the hospital. Both her legs were amputated below the knee.

I sat, completely still and silent whilst the words of Gill Hicks echoed around the room, my mind racing, recreating the story that was being told. Putting myself in her position, feeling her pain. The tears started to roll. This was good TV, it captured the hearts, minds and complete attention of its audience.

Well it did, until they introduce her partner,  Full head shot with his name in a large font…. JOE KERR.

You gotta be kidding me…SURELY they could have handled that a little better? - perhaps just put JOE for the sake of keeping the emotion raw.

Completely ruined it for me.. couldn’t stop giggling for the rest of the program… doh.

Before I start, i would like to point out that i love crimewatch, i love the fact that its allowing Police the chance to ask for help on a larger scale than those ‘can you help’ boards we normally see dotted around the place after some 9 year old gang member has been turned into a pin cushion by a rival.

But, in tonight’s episode one of Metropolitan police’s finest officers, complete with new tie and clean shirt just for tv answered a question with a remark that caused me to spit beer all over the floor in violent, projectile fashion.

When asked by new crimewatch tart Kirsty Young, ‘what do you need from our viewers tonight’ he looks straight at the camera and without even realizing he says, ‘Well, we just need the name of the murderer….’

The popular phrase ‘NO SHIT SHERLOCK’ springs to mind.

Keep up the good work guys

Lost, If you havent seen it or thought that it looked dull then get your funky ass into Asda and buy seasons 1,2 and 3 right now! Admitedly - if you watch them on tv it did seem to go quite slowly and this would put most normal people off. Buying the boxset will have you glued to your tellybox for insane periods of time. Speaking of time, this is the easiest way to eat up 8hours on a Sunday by far!

 There is just something so calming, yet so intense when you watch, i dont know how they carried it off but it will fill you full of feel good one minute, have you blubbering like a baby the next, right the way through to right royally messing with your head. Why do you need to rush out now? - thats a good question.. and the answer is simple.. Season 4 will begin airing in the US in Feb 2008 which usually means the UK will get it a month or two after (search on the newsgroups anyone?!) So, if you dont want to be sitting there staring at your TV in April wondering what the hell all these people are doing running around on an island in the middle of nowhere.. here is your chance to catch up!

You have been warned, dont miss this chance to watch (and understand) one of the greatest things to have come out of TV in the last 20 years. If however you are up to date and, like me, cant wait for season 4 - why not take a look at this Orchid Orientation Film clip from youtube.

Just watched an advert that i couldnt quite believe. ‘New Dove skincare range now comes with 15% oxygen formula’

um.. Oxygen.. you mean the shit we breathe everyday? for free?

So, lets get this straight.. 15% oxygen is better than 0 in a skincare product..

so why not just sell it with ‘100% oxygen’ have a stand in the local supermarket with plastic bags of air, for £9.99 of course!

Interesting to watch 12 hysterical girls trying to rip the shorts of the one male housemate, Ziggy. Wonder what would happen if that had been 12 blokes trying to rip a girls clothes off? - imagine the row at ofcom…?

And while i have the blog editor open. How about Chanelle? - she has the emotional age of a 3 year old thats had her sweets stolen and onions rubbed in her eyes. She was in the diary room when she whaled to big brother ‘Itts not my fault i was born with curly hair… SOB, SNIFFLE…’

Oh get over it you fecking spoilt little whore. Daddy isnt there to sort this one, deal with the ‘pain’ on your own.

This is my response to ITV’s American idol gives back charity special screened on Friday night.
Medical procedures are always about resources. The NHS is stretched to the max with budget cuts, fat cats needing new holiday homes, drug companies ramping the price of drugs specially for our health service and just general bad accounting.

Imagine a situation where they have 2 sick people, but only enough resources to help one of them. A Heart wrenching set of events I agree, but how would you reach a decision on who to treat? – well, in the words of the doctor from Star trek voyager, ‘ I would weigh up who has the better chance of survival, and then treat that person.’

So what about the starving African people that were portrayed in American idol? – Simon and Mr hairspray himself, Ryan Seacrest trawl through villages with the default kid, flies buzzin round his head blurting about how both his parents died, yadda yadda yadda.

He and his sister were desperate for food, clothing, blankets and water. That’s the usual survival shopping list in this part of the world. Then they make an appeal to us to help fund the drugs they need to help with their AIDS infections.

What? – last I heard AIDS was terminal. Why, when most of the country cant even afford clean water are you spunking funds on drugs for people who are going to die anyway?
This is horrible I know, and your probably thinking ive lost the plot, but if you stop to think about it.. THEY CANT AFFORD TO FEED THEMSELVES. So, surely, who has the better chance of survival? The ones with the terminal disease or the ones without?

And why do so many children have AIDS in Africa? – do they share needles whilst smacking their bitch up? Do they have bad luck with blood transfusions? Do they pick a bad partner to ride their baloney pony? No, they have selfish f**ker parents with the HIV who already cant afford to keep themselves in food, then deciding to hump like bunnies and produce infected children.

Stop sending rice, start sending condoms. Stop helping those who are gonna die anyway. Concentrate on the ones who WILL survive and eventually help the others.

Cat Deely was introducing various bits in the program to give it the ‘link to the English person’ – I wonder if she donated her fee to the charity on this charity special show?

And lasty, the whole program is sponsored by Chicago town. They do make lovely pizzas…

As i am now in a relationship i have to share an interest in my better halves’ choice of television viewing, This includes ITV’s Grease is the word where chavs freaks and pretty boys all collect and try to out do each other with their singing, dancing and acting abilities. (or lack of!)

This airs at prime time on a Saturday evening. I watch one of the auditions where Cherrill, a cross between whoopi goldberg and vanessa feltz starts prancing around in front of the 4 judges for the part of Sandy (originally played by olivia newton john).

Once finished the judges in turn give their witty little comments as to if the performer should go on to the next stage. To my disgust, Sinitta - the failed 80’s pop princess says, ‘That was great Cherrill it would be great to see a black sandy’.

Hello.. Sinitta, you are on national television. You cant be seen to have a preference towards someone because of their skin colour, its called Racism. Oh wait, thats right.. it doesn’t work both ways does it. Its only racism if its a white person saying it. I keep forgetting how we have come so ‘PC’ that we have now actually become racist by favouring the minority.

before i get too carried away i think ill leave you to make your own mind up. BBC news reports back in 2000 that ‘BLACK SCHOOLS are booming’ Um, black schools? you mean with all black pupils? - what if a white kid wanted to join, what would happen? Can you imagine it the other way round? - White schools? there would be an uproar.

Just to add to my annoyance one of the parents, Shellan Crawford comments, ‘Black kids don’t get an equal chance in our educational system unless you can afford to send them private. ‘ - Oh fcuk off will you. are you suggesting teachers are spending more time with white kids? surely if that was the case, the teachers attitude needs to be addressed rather than making specialist ‘Black’ schools, this will only segregate the races more.

If the kids are thriving so much with their own people, surely this PROVES that integration may not be always be the right answer, so stop forcing the issue and let PEOPLE decide without keep firing the racist card at us.

Comments..?